I’m looking at places to rent upon this lease ending this fall. I didn’t think I’d start this search so soon. But the end has come sooner than expected… and at last, I’m not sure how much longer I will be here.
I can predict some things. I can just see things coming in unexpected ways.
I can’t predict movies, I’m horrible at calling what’s going to happen next. And I often can’t tell how you feel about me.
I don’t say something’s going to happen for fear it won’t, and I will look the fool.
But if it’s something bad that you’re predicting, well, people will just tell you, “No, I’m sure it’s not that” and let you go on your cheery way. Then, if it isn’t actually something bad, you don’t look a fool. It’s a celebratory time. Because instead of bad, good was had. Plus, it helps to keep from getting your hopes up. But if your prediction of a bad event turns out to be true, then people will feel sorry for you, or help you. I’m not sure where I’m going with any of this…
My hope is fine. My trust is fine. That wasn’t the point. I can’t predict most things, but I saw this on its way.
As of the end of the month, I’m alone here. What do I do now?
If you know of anyone wanting to live in the UCF area- I have a super cheap room available. Send them my way.
I’m wondering if I want to stay or study abroad. I’m wondering how far in advance I can really plan my life. I can make all the plans I want… and tomorrow could change every single one of them. But no plans, well that’s irresponsible. Where’s the balance? What’s the point? Do I make plans and hope others stick to them? Do I make plans alone?
I know it’s all under control… not my control, but it’s under control.
A gathering by the lake at 6:30 this morning was beautiful. And needed. Oh, so thankful for that.
How I’m to react, I’m not quite sure.
I’m calm. Then I’m freaking out. I’m calm on the outside, but freaking out on the outside. I’m at peace. I’m on the verge of tears, then I wonder why. I’m excited. I’m hopeful. I’m unsure of how I am.
Oh, keep me constant.
I’m alright. I’m excited more than afraid. Everything is going to be alright. I’m just not really sure what to do now…






