I heard your voice today. It was an accident, I suppose that’s why she apologized. It was bitter, just like I remember. Months without hearing that anger and bitterness float through the air has been a blessing to say the least. But they are in that cursed environment daily. I don’t know how they do it.

I wasn’t meant to hear your voice, or ready. I was talking to her, but she was helping you walk. Remember when you could do that on your own? It was some time ago, wasn’t it. You wouldn’t remember now. You once walked on your own. But then you started to fall. You fell on my watch multiple times. I heard some sort of noise from where I stood in my room getting ready. The music muffled whatever thud you made, and so I made no hurry to see if you were alright. Mostly because I did not know what I was going to do if you weren’t. As I peered around the corner, I noticed your glasses by the old piano bench, the one someone in this family used to play. But like other things, that slowly died away. You must have fallen with force, because your glasses flew a good distance from where your body lay. Seemingly lifeless, full of fear. I would love nothing more than to erase those memories. To scratch away those pictures in my mind.

Your birthday is tomorrow. But just like you have forgotten most other things, I am quite sure you don’t remember that either. I doubt you would even comprehend if we told you.

——–

I haven’t written in over a week, so I feel I can rant. Let me be:

Onto other things.
I’m at Starbucks. But I’m not drinking anything. Not because I don’t want anything. An iced green tea lemonade or a plain old latte both sound delicious right now. But I know myself. And I know that tonight, as I spend the evening in Lake Mary reuniting the Tri-Force for a bit, I will not be able to say no to a beverage. A Chai or Clouds from Coffee Cafe. A venti iced sweetened green tea lemonade or pumpkin spice latte from my favorite Starbucks. I know I won’t resist it. And I know I probably shouldn’t spend money on two drinks in one. Not like I haven’t done it before. Oh well. So I wait…

My landlord, Tony, is here. I saw him as I walked in. His hair pulled back in that elastic black headband as usual. He has good hair, I guess.

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday and somehting really funny happened.

I am not going to class tonight. I’m going to one that ends at night, but it starts in the afternoon, so it doesn’t count. Tech Writing at 3 and Culture, Power, and Development at 4:30. I hope both go by quickly. Though they are two of my favorite classes.

I went to Starbucks last night. Because I’m so predictable. Kelsey and I got a couple of iced drinks and she got a brownie and I got a cup of whipped cream. And we enjoyed it all at a little couple table outside. It was delightful weather. And a delightful gentleman joined us for a bit. We both could have probably gone without eating dinner, but I like food. I technically had not had dinner, so it’s not that bad. We walked to Chipotle. I’m a Moe’s fan at heart, but sometimes your cravings change. And lately, Chipotle’s salads have been my stomach’s desire. We sat outside there as well, and enjoyed the weather some more. It cooled down considerably as we walked back to where Hamish was parked. But it was nice.

I had what was probably the best weekend in a long time this past weekend. Spring break overall, not to be negative, was pretty lame. Okay, only one day and maybe a few moments stick out, which would not make it a lame week. Whatever. I did get to see Juan one afternoon and spend some time with Morgan in Deland later the same afternoon. And then later that same night I had dinner with my roommate. But in general, I felt like I should have been having some great exciting times. Which would have been easier if I was in Australia like last year. But you gotta make the most of the now… Which, in retrospect, I could have enjoyed the laziness of doing nothing. ANYWAYS, an old friend (by old friend I mean I’ve known him since October, but hadn’t heard from him a while) sent me a text message on Friday. So after eating at Chipotle with my favorite (and only) roommate, I met up with him. We proceeded to do a lot of driving and enjoying life. We were joined by more friends. He left. Others came to our apartment and we found ourselves eating a lot of junk food and watching Undercover Brother at 2 in the morning, followed by silly conversation until 6.

I tried sleeping in the next morning, but I’m no good at that. I ended up sitting outside of the Lake Mary Starbucks sipping a venti iced sweetened green tea lemonade and reading Pocho. It was really windy and kind of warm and some of the most enjoyable weather. Saturday night turned into hanging out with the same people from the previous night, plus two. Lots of food and goodness happened again. I am thankful for those people.