You were so excited to leave for two months. People grew ill back home. A boy was calling your name from afar.
One-point-five months into it,
you wanted to return. To the comfort? To the attention?
Sure. But not to the ill. (How unavoidable).
You haven’t begun a journey. Don’t dare look forward to the return, which in itself will be a journey… Isn’t life one big journey? One big adventure?
Leaving, however strange it is (considering there is so much of our hometowns that are new to us), will give you a new perspective. It will give you room to think, to read, to refresh…
to change,
without them watching every move.
Without you thinking they’re thinking you’re doing this now to impress them,
to gain their acceptance.
Don’t think for others anymore.
More often than not,
you are not at the forefront of their minds.
Talking to you all day yesterday and preparing for a month of adventure have brought me back to May 2005.
How I’ve changed. How I’ve learned this will all still be here when I return. How glad I am to have grown in those four years. The good, the bad, the depressing, the beautiful moments… They’re not going to stay here while I go. They’re in my mind, they’re written in journals and hidden in my dreams.
This month: I want to hold onto the good and let go of the bad (how many times have I said that before?). I can’t let go of the bad, I can’t leave it out because it’s part of the good… and it’s all part of me.
True?
I’m gonna get to know myself all over again (it’s good to reacquaint yourself with yourself). What I like, what I don’t like – not to be swayed by what you like and don’t like when sitting across from you or him. I’m gonna eat some scones and read of Love the way Leo Buscaglia beautifully talks of it. I’m gonna let the drizzly rain touch me without getting frustrated. I’m gonna read of the one I Love and hold onto to it firmly from here on out (like I’ve said so many times). I’m gonna meet new people and learn to be okay with drinking and figure out how to get over looking down on people who do it. I’m gonna think about talking to you again, but I’m not going to let it get me down. I’m gonna “go big or go home”.
Here’s to doing what you’ve been putting off and what you’re afraid of.
Here’s to growing and becoming someone you yourself can love.
Here’s to loving yourself (as Oscar said, “it’s the beginning of a lifelong romance”).
Here’s to loving others… as a result of learning to love yourself (ps, read Blue Like Jazz again or for the first time and focus on the section that talks of learning to love your neighbor as yourself. You must love yourself first in order to love your neighbor.. or else how are you loving your neighbor as yourself? Read it. Think about it. Let it change you.)
Here’s to another adventure in another land.
And here’s to a whole lot of really good food.
Tags: Ireland
