Remembering, Reminding, and Building on Truth (Among Other Unrelated Things)
I should be packing. Or sleeping. I think sleeping is more important. I’ve already decided packing will just happen during lunch tomorrow. So: I should be sleeping.
But I’ve been thinking…
Actually, I learned something today. A new issue I hadn’t realized, or fully realized, before.
I could come up with a new issue almost weekly, daily even, it seems. But I guess I’m not the only one who could say that.
And with the wise, honest, gracious words of a friend, I can be reminded:
“I think that it’s important to know what you’re working on, but also important to know that you are not solely defined by those things. Have some grace with yourself.”
I’m not very good at addressing too many things at once. When I was dealing with A I couldn’t also very well deal with B. When, on any given day, I’d have to deal with A, B, and C I would have a breakdown.
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I know the truth.
Yet…
When the boss makes more than one joke about how unimportant I am at the company I work for, it brings me back to that tiny insignificant feeling I knew for a very long time. A feeling I know others have felt, and unfortunately plenty of people still feel.
And when I can’t figure out why a situation has affected me the way it has, it takes some round about processing to figure out:
Like other people, I too have a bit of an underlying feeling of not being appreciated.
Does anyone not ever have that problem?
There’s plenty more where that came from.
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You know when you feel invisible for a moment or a few days? Me too. You know when you’re in a group of people, a meeting, or a dinner and you start to feel like you were accidentally invited and you shouldn’t be there? You’re not the only one. Did you all of a sudden realize the job you’ve chosen isn’t one that is going to get much or any recognition? Plenty of people can relate.
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The boss apologized profusely. I know what I do matters (and thankfully, I don’t just work for his or anyone’s affirmation or approval). I know that I like and prefer jobs and roles in the background–at this stage in life anyways. I know that it is not the way other people have treated me, moved on, or held back there words that I may feel the way I do sometimes. But it is in those moments that I start to believe the lies that:
Who I am in this world–what I do or say–does not matter.
But it DOES. It matters who I choose to be, what I choose to do, and how I choose to live.
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It’s not about me. We’re in this together, right?
I could have brought words of truth to you, but instead I held back. I could tell you the things I wish someone would tell me sometimes. But instead I selfishly keep those words to myself. I could have reminded you of your beauty. I could have reminded you of how other people want to live a fuller life because of the way you live. I could have reminded you that you have the most contagious smile and to keep sharing it. I could just simply tell you, more often, that you are a good person, a good friend, and I am thankful to know you.
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I could remind you.
Instead, I [often] hold back. And, perhaps in turn, I forget those sorts of things about myself.
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It’s part of the golden rule, isn’t it? Treat others how you’d like to be treated.
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But I hold back until I’ve “figured it out.” If I’m going to see the Kingdom come in and around me, it’s not going to be because I “figured” myself out. It’s certainly not going to be because I held honest words in.
It’s going to be during and after the conversations you don’t want to have. It’s not going to happen once I’ve figured out my issues, because more will pop up. It’s going to be when I’m honest with people–those I’m close to and those I’m not–when I feel a certain way, whether it’s good or bad, whether I’ve figured it out on the inside or not.
I’m honest and an open book… But I’ll tell the whole world about my problem, my issue, or my area of hurt as long is it doesn’t directly involve them. We don’t want to hurt each other, right? Right. And you’ll remember that when you start telling that person that you felt hurt from… because maybe, maybe that wasn’t their intention.
We’ve got quite the imaginations. And they could destroy us if they’re built on lies instead of truth.
